Jake 6, Alyssa 4, Zac 2, Tyler newborn
SEPTEMBER
Alyssa: "I know everything about getting married."
Me: "You do? Can you tell me about it?"
Alyssa: "You have to wear a white dress. And you have to have flowers. And you need someone to marry. And you need music . . . Oh, and you need a wedding hat! I forgot about that."
Zac: "When I close my eyes, I see people. They're in my eyeballs. They're walking around in my eyeballs."
Alyssa: "I know everything about getting married."
Me: "You do? Can you tell me about it?"
Alyssa: "You have to wear a white dress. And you have to have flowers. And you need someone to marry. And you need music . . . Oh, and you need a wedding hat! I forgot about that."
Zac: "When I close my eyes, I see people. They're in my eyeballs. They're walking around in my eyeballs."
Leighton: "They're in your dreams."
Zac: "Yeah, but they're walking around in my eyeballs."
Alyssa, while praying: ". . . the end."
Zac: "Yeah, but they're walking around in my eyeballs."
Alyssa, while praying: ". . . the end."
Jake: "You mean amen."
Alyssa: "Right. Amen."
Jake, after listening to a description in a book: "Ok, I pictured it. In black and white, too. I can also do it in movie and cartoon."
Zac: "May I have more cheese?"
Alyssa: "Right. Amen."
Jake, after listening to a description in a book: "Ok, I pictured it. In black and white, too. I can also do it in movie and cartoon."
Zac: "May I have more cheese?"
Me: "More cheese?"
Zac: "Yes. I have the power to eat a lot. And to be the fasterest."
Alyssa: "Usually if I'm watching a movie and the disc freezes, I just smack my head and it works."
Zac: "Where are my big Legos?"
Zac: "Yes. I have the power to eat a lot. And to be the fasterest."
Alyssa: "Usually if I'm watching a movie and the disc freezes, I just smack my head and it works."
Zac: "Where are my big Legos?"
Me, pointing to the middle of the room: "Right there."
Zac: "That's a good hiding place!"
Jake, about Tyler: "He's an expert at making slobber bubbles."
Zac: "There's a bug on the cushion!"
Zac: "That's a good hiding place!"
Jake, about Tyler: "He's an expert at making slobber bubbles."
Zac: "There's a bug on the cushion!"
My Mom: "That's ok, just brush it off."
Zac, takes off running and returns a couple minutes later: "I can't find a brush anywhere."
Zac, takes off running and returns a couple minutes later: "I can't find a brush anywhere."
Alyssa: "I'm sillier than I thought I would be."
Jake, commanding: "Stop chewing with food in your mouth, Alyssa."
Me: "Zac, don't pick your nose."
Jake, commanding: "Stop chewing with food in your mouth, Alyssa."
Me: "Zac, don't pick your nose."
Zac: "But I'm trying to get that thing that's up there."
OCTOBER
Jake: "My nose tells me what's for dinner."
Zac, coming in my room in the middle of the night: "Why aren't you on your bicle (bicycle)?"
Zac, coming in my room in the middle of the night: "Why aren't you on your bicle (bicycle)?"
Me: "Because I'm sleeping."
Zac: "Oh. And they're aren't aliens in your room either!"
Zac: "Tyler bless you-ed in my face."
Alyssa, wearing big fuzzy earmuffs in the house: "I'm wearing these just in case Tyler cries a lot."
Zac: "Can you take your scarecrow and put him downstairs so we don't see him?"
Zac: "Oh. And they're aren't aliens in your room either!"
Zac: "Tyler bless you-ed in my face."
Alyssa, wearing big fuzzy earmuffs in the house: "I'm wearing these just in case Tyler cries a lot."
Zac: "Can you take your scarecrow and put him downstairs so we don't see him?"
Me: "But he's my friend."
Zac: "He can be your friend downstairs."
Me: "Are you sure you're done? I can't take you potty every 5 seconds."
Zac, innocently: "How about 4 seconds?"
Zac, stepping on a scale: "Six! Yes! I did it!"
Zac, innocently: "How about 4 seconds?"
Zac, stepping on a scale: "Six! Yes! I did it!"
Me: "Good job! {looking at the scale} Twenty-nine."
Zac: "Why twenty-nine?"
Me: "Because that's how much you weigh?"
Zac, pressing on the scale: "Mommy, how do I get it to the top? {talks to scale} You, bully! Go to the top!"
Zac: "Why twenty-nine?"
Me: "Because that's how much you weigh?"
Zac, pressing on the scale: "Mommy, how do I get it to the top? {talks to scale} You, bully! Go to the top!"
Jake, looking at Lego sets: "This set comes with Hansel."
Me: "It's Han Solo."
Jake: "Why is he solo? He has Chewbacca."
Alyssa: "I'm a better sister than Jacob."
Jake: "This tag says that I have waterproof boots."
Alyssa: "Jacob, you are one lucky boy!"
Jake: "Do you know what waterproof means?"
Alyssa: "No."
Alyssa: "I know a karate move. If someone tries to hit you, you just try getting away."
Zac, about Tyler: "Is he pretty?"
Alyssa: "He's gorgeous. That's a fancier word for pretty."
Zac: "Yeah, he's gorgeous."
NOVEMBER
Alyssa: "Do mommy cats lay eggs?"
Me: "No."
Alyssa: "Oh, they just lay babies?"
Zac: "I don't like water. It's fake."
Zac was sitting on my lap while I was looking at things on the computer. As I closed one tab to go to another, he said, "Hey! I was 'bout to read dat!"
Alyssa: "I am the queen of dumping toys out."
Zac: "No, I am the queen."
Alyssa was helping me give Tyler a bath in his tub in the sink
when he started peeing. It shot up in the air and across the room like a fountain.
Alyssa's eyes got big and she said, "Whoa! That was awesome!"
Jake: "How do you say taco in Spanish?"
Zac, wearing Leighton's shoes: "Look, I'm Mr. Daddy."
Alyssa picked up a piece of foam pretend wood and said, "This is so arbitrary."
Jake: "I know why Jesus likes people being right-handed, because you're supposed to do the right things."
Me: "I need to sweep again. I already swept once, but baby Tyler made a mess everywhere."
Alyssa, looking around, finally pointing: "He didn't make a mess there."
Me: "Do you know how much I love you?"
Alyssa: "Baby talk for saying yes is gla."
Me: "Go get dressed so we can go to the library."
Alyssa: "I better not wear squeaky shoes 'cause you have to be quiet in the library."
Jake: "Did Grandma like that when she was a kid?"
DECEMBER
While playing hide-n-seek:
Jake, standing at the top of the stairs: "Hey, are you down there?"
Zac, standing behind the door at the top the stairs: "Yes!"
Alyssa: "I know how to spell Erika: M - O - M."
Jake: "I got a lot of reasons, but I'll only tell you one because I don't know the rest."
Zac, while watching our neighbor's snow blower: "It's a snow sprinkler!"
Alyssa: "I'm never going to do that. Not in my whooole life. Not until I turn 6."
And that's the end of review for 2012! I'll share some of my favorite from 2013 soon, but if you're looking for more funny now, check out parts 1-9 of Kids Say the Funniest Things.
Me: "It's Han Solo."
Jake: "Why is he solo? He has Chewbacca."
Alyssa: "I'm a better sister than Jacob."
Jake: "This tag says that I have waterproof boots."
Alyssa: "Jacob, you are one lucky boy!"
Jake: "Do you know what waterproof means?"
Alyssa: "No."
Alyssa: "I know a karate move. If someone tries to hit you, you just try getting away."
Zac, about Tyler: "Is he pretty?"
Alyssa: "He's gorgeous. That's a fancier word for pretty."
Zac: "Yeah, he's gorgeous."
NOVEMBER
Me: "When was the last time you had it?"
Alyssa: "Well, I didn't have it the day after yesterday."
Alyssa: "Well, I didn't have it the day after yesterday."
Alyssa: "Do mommy cats lay eggs?"
Me: "No."
Alyssa: "Oh, they just lay babies?"
Zac: "I don't like water. It's fake."
Zac was sitting on my lap while I was looking at things on the computer. As I closed one tab to go to another, he said, "Hey! I was 'bout to read dat!"
Alyssa: "I am the queen of dumping toys out."
Zac: "No, I am the queen."
Alyssa was helping me give Tyler a bath in his tub in the sink
when he started peeing. It shot up in the air and across the room like a fountain.
Alyssa's eyes got big and she said, "Whoa! That was awesome!"Jake: "How do you say taco in Spanish?"
Zac, wearing Leighton's shoes: "Look, I'm Mr. Daddy."
Alyssa picked up a piece of foam pretend wood and said, "This is so arbitrary."
Jake, to Tyler: "You're my favorite boy. For now at least."
Jake: "I know why Jesus likes people being right-handed, because you're supposed to do the right things."
Me: "I need to sweep again. I already swept once, but baby Tyler made a mess everywhere."
Alyssa, looking around, finally pointing: "He didn't make a mess there."
Me: "Do you know how much I love you?"
Zac: "Big."
Me: "That's right, big. How much do you love me?"
Zac: "Bigger!"Alyssa: "Baby talk for saying yes is gla."
Me: "Go get dressed so we can go to the library."
Alyssa: "I better not wear squeaky shoes 'cause you have to be quiet in the library."
Alyssa: "This is California. We all live in California." {puts her hand
to the side of her mouth and whispers} "I'm just pretending. This is
just a game. I know, we actually live in Earth, but I'm pretending it's
California."
Jake: "Did Grandma like that when she was a kid?"
Alyssa: "Grandma was never a kid."
DECEMBER
Me, reading a book title: "The Ultimate Natural Detox Guide."
Jake: "Mmm, that sounds good."
While playing hide-n-seek:
Jake, standing at the top of the stairs: "Hey, are you down there?"
Zac, standing behind the door at the top the stairs: "Yes!"
I was making breakfast and dropped some food on the floor. Alyssa said, "That's ok. Tyler will get it."
Alyssa: "I know how to spell Erika: M - O - M."
Jake: "When can you buy toothpaste for me that tastes like meat?"
Me: "Who ate something minty?"
Alyssa: "Not me."
Zac: "Not me"
Me, sniffing: "I smell something minty. Who ate something?"
Kids: "Not me."
Me, sniffing Zac's mouth: "You smell minty. What did you eat?"
Zac: "It's chastick."
Me: "Ohhh, you put on chapstick."
Zac: "Yeah. And it didn't taste good when I ate it."
Alyssa: "Not me."
Zac: "Not me"
Me, sniffing: "I smell something minty. Who ate something?"
Kids: "Not me."
Me, sniffing Zac's mouth: "You smell minty. What did you eat?"
Zac: "It's chastick."
Me: "Ohhh, you put on chapstick."
Zac: "Yeah. And it didn't taste good when I ate it."
Alyssa: "Do you remember my husband's name?"
Jake: "No."
Alyssa: "Hmm, I don't quite remember either."
Jake: "No."
Alyssa: "Hmm, I don't quite remember either."
Alyssa: "I did it on accident or on purpose. I don't remember which one."
Jake: "I got a lot of reasons, but I'll only tell you one because I don't know the rest."
Zac, while watching our neighbor's snow blower: "It's a snow sprinkler!"
Alyssa: "I'm never going to do that. Not in my whooole life. Not until I turn 6."
And that's the end of review for 2012! I'll share some of my favorite from 2013 soon, but if you're looking for more funny now, check out parts 1-9 of Kids Say the Funniest Things.
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part One
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Two
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Three
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Four (quotes from my first grade students)
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Five
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Six
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Seven
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Eight
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Two
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Three
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Four (quotes from my first grade students)
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Five
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Six
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Seven
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Eight
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